course

 

Writing only recently discovered, is my new passion. Or shall I rather say – an outlet? It is a way to free myself up from feelings of hopelessness,  a way to share my vulnerabilities with safely and a anonymously.  You may say it makes no difference if you do not stand upon yourself and do not face the world openly. Agree, but time is my ally.

Ever since starting to write, I discovered the need to let out the emotion, the pain, the weird thought, to document and keep track of my thoughts. You see, travelling constantly and meeting so many but letting in so few is painfully overwhelming at times. Not being able to trust in people and in meantime mastering avoidance, one can not but get enough. Becoming overly philosophical, I have immersed myself in Nietzsche, in Plato and whose else thoughts not. Ironically. Always thought insanity goes hand in hand with immersion in heavy books.

As much as I enjoy thinking about writing and light-fully open the laptop, seeing the soft, vividly coloured characters opening up to my view, the momentum is dead when I have to start thinking and working my way through the sentences,. Writing for myself is not writing for others. Experiences that others seek to hear are far from those you want to hide and yet share on the blog. The ones you want to let go. The ones to put on the bright screen and never look back at. As far as technique is not considered, the emotional vomits push me further. No utility, but what a freedom!

Although enjoying the writing as an outlet for all the unwanted and hidden, repressing emotions, I want to be more, achieve ore, give more. Inspire, influence, make people aware. Because any tool when mastered can change the world. Off we go, with content and structure, vocabulary and voice, flow and engagement.  Essays and blog posts, inspiring notes or simple media captions – that is my goal on the journey over the next couple of weeks.

be-come

As you can see, goddesses are real. Moving, living, enjoying.

Having supernatural powers. But not the rare and mythical type of, rather ones we do as well. Or others expect us to have. Or the society expects us to have. In fact, having the power does not stay there; you have to master it and become the best version of yourself. Every single day, but especially just after the new year on Gregorian calendar starts.

 

Here is the thing. The expectations when not met are saddening, and definitely not delightful. One may say that you have to set the goals and standards high enough so the expectations are beyond the reach. you have to stretch yourself, you have to focus and master the things, to gain power over your life, over the barriers and expectations.

However, expectations do as much good as they can do bad. Not one can constantly work hard and strive if their expectations, their standards are too high, too broad and unreachable. They never meet their expectations, they never strike down the to do list. Overwhelmed and full of judgement, they regret and do not want to continue the way they seemingly never succeed. On the other hand, the human brain requires doing things you want, not what you do not want. You have to succeed, at least a bit, to want to continue with the journey to goddess, to better self, to gain your personal superpowers. No matter what you see as supernatural, as a superpower, it can be acquired through lots of hard and dedicated work.

Tonight, shape your mind. You want to want it from all your heart. You have to love it, value it, strive for it. Not the result only, but the work. The process. Immerse yourself, dedicate all you, all your energy and will. And see the results coming. Deep focus, strong energy. Become goddess.

For whom

The most successful people are not busy but focused.

But what if they do nothing but blame others and focus on ensuring they have nothing to do but relax? What if they do not work for themselves but for others to appreciate? They lose their own focus by shifting to one way or another according to what they think others expect them to be. What others would celebrate, what others would value. Even if they do not know what is it.

I lived through the cycle of focusing and re-shifting my goals for many years. i tried to do my best on every front of my life. Being the smartest, the fittest, the healthiest and the most caring of everyone in class, at the gym, in family. Always remembering everyone and rethinking my actions to not to leave anyone hurt. Or worse, forgotten. I tried to be more independent. To be the perfect woman while being just a schoolgirl.

It worked. My grades were improving, I was getting complements and looks, and got jobs to be financially independent. I was working for money, working for my university, working out for my body. It all went well, until I crashed. Waking up at 5AM to go for a run, being back at 6AM to study, run to the school to be present in classes in which I tried to remember the speeches and facts on products I had to market later in the day… then going to the other side of town to work, and finally come back home just to find out it was my grandmothers birthday today. Not the best way to care about everyone.

I was starting to miss out on small details. Forgetting about tests at school, birthdays and not able to work out without exhaustion became everyday thing. Falling asleep on math class. Having to rewrite tests.

It was the tough lesson learned, but luckily so early enough. One can not be everything to everyone. One has to be for herself. One has to live, not only exist and strive for perfection. Therefore focus should come from itself, not from perception of others. Inside, not outside. The roots matter more than you think. Your dreams, your goals, thinks that matter to you. Whatever they think is important.

Two years later, i can still say I am not perfect. It is hard to live in society if the only thing that matters is you. They call you egoist.

You choose. Either to live for, or live free. Now onward, not starting this year.